The Old Native American

Here's One About The Old Native American Who Wanted A Loan For $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?"

"Take jewelry to city and sell it," was the response.

"What have you got for collateral?"

"Don't know collateral."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"

"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup."

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

"Yes, I have a horse."

"How old is it?"

"Don't know, has no teeth."

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Put in teepee."

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.

"Don't know deposit."

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."

The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"

Did you know that vegetarian is an indigenous word? Translated it means "Can't hunt"!

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do Eskimos get from rubbing noses too many times?
Sniffilis.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What time is it when you see six dogs 
running across the rez?
Five after one

What do you call a Chihuahua on the rez?
Cup of soup

Remember, one cannot make footprints in the sands of time by sitting on their butt, and who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time?

WAYS THINGS WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF SANTA WERE AMERICAN INDIAN

• At bedtime, kids would leave RC Cola and frybread for the big guy.
  
• He would wear a red turtleneck to hide his hickeys.

• Santa's new moccasins would be made out of Dasher.

• There would be a bingo packer under every tree.

• Santa would be leaving coal for every good Chilcotin boy or girl.

• His elves would never show up for work on Friday's and sometimes Monday's too.

• His sleigh would need a boost every other province.

• His outfit would consist of a red flannel ribbon shirt, with matching leggings, moccasins and beaded black belt with matching beaded rimmed hat, all to match his oversized gift bag. Underneath it all would be a beaded thong with a small delicate plume attached to the back.

• Indian preference hiring would require Hopis and other Pueblo Indians to fit in to those teeny tiny elf outfits.

• According to Indian time, Our gifts would arrive in February.

Anglos have BC and AD to measure time. Native People have the five BC's

Before Columbus
Before Custer
Before Commodity
Before Casinos
Before Costner
Before Campbell

THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR AN INDIAN SAY:

"Dang, it's gonna rain and I just waxed my car."

"Naw, I don't feel like going snagging tonight."

"You can't feed that to the dog!"

"No thanks we're vegetarians."

"No thanks I don't want any fry bread."

"Do you think my hair is too long?"

"Trim the fat off that steak."

"The tires on that truck are too big."

"Yes officer, I have my license, registration and insurance right here."

Top 10 Things You Can't Say To A White Person Upon First Meeting:

10. How much white are you?

9. I'm part white myself, you know.

8. I learned all your people's ways in the Boy Scouts.

7. My great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded white-Canadian princess.

6. Funny, you don't look white.

5. Where's your powdered wig and knickers?

4. Do you live in a covered wagon?

3. What's the meaning behind the square dance?

2. What's your feeling about river-boat casinos? Do they really help your people, or are they just a short-term fix?

1. Oh wow! I really love your hair! Can I touch it?

How to impress an Indian Woman

Wine her,
Dine her,
Call her by her Indian name,
Hug her,
Support her,
Hold her in the moonlight,
Surprise her,
Compliment her,
Smile at her,
Listen to her,
Laugh with her,
Cry with her,
Romance her,
Believe in her,
Cuddle with her at a 49,
Shop with her,
Give her many Pendleton
Blankets,
No Indian Time,
Keep a job through Pow-Wow Season,
Carry her chair at Pow-Wows,
Give her beautiful Indian jewelry,
Buy her flowers,
Hold her hand,
Don't eat too much fry bread,
Give her many horses,
Keep the run down cars out of the yard,
Bead for her,
Play beautiful flute music for her,
Set up camp for her,
Hunt for her,
Give her lots of groceries,
Sing beautiful Indian Songs to her.
Have her balance the check book
and never asked how much is left !
Rub her feet, then ankles, knees and...

HOW TO IMPRESS AN INDIAN MAN

Show up naked with fry bread